Love and money: financial wellness for LGBTQIA+ couples

Building a life with your significant other means more than sharing a home or routines. It means talking about money in all its forms—how to manage it, how to save it and how to plan for the future you’re creating side by side. For LGBTQIA+ couples, these conversations can carry extra layers. Laws haven’t always recognized every family, and systems aren’t always built with everyone in mind.

Everyone deserves dignity, clarity and support when it comes to their financial wellbeing. If you’re planning to combine your financial life with your partner, here are five conversations to have that are especially important for LGBTQIA+ couples.

1. How do we want our relationship recognized?

Whether you’re married, in a domestic partnership or choosing a different path, the way your relationship is legally recognized can affect taxes, healthcare decisions, estate planning and more. Here are some important questions to explore together for clarity:

• Do we want legal marriage, a domestic partnership or something else?
• What protections do we already have and where might gaps exist?
• If laws change, are we prepared?

While marriage offers benefits like spousal Social Security and insurance, if both partners are high earners they could face the “marriage penalty,” where combined income pushes them into a higher tax bracket (meaning they pay more in federal income taxes) or reduces eligibility for credits/deductions. It’s important to have open communication to help gain clarity on which legal structure for your relationship will best support you now and in the future.

2. What happens if one of us gets sick or passes away?

For many LGBTQIA+ couples, it’s especially important to put plans in writing, whether it’s a will, healthcare directive or power of attorney, so that your wishes are honored and your partner is protected. Together, you might ask:

• Who can make medical or financial decisions if one of us can’t?
• Where will our assets go?
• Have we named beneficiaries everywhere we need to?

Thanks to the 2015 Marriage Equality Act, and the Supreme Court’s denial to revisit the law in 2025, LGBTQIA+ widows now have more protection, such as not paying taxes when assets pass from spouse to spouse. It’s still important to document as much as possible though, since some courts may not recognize the years of the relationship prior to 2015.

3. How should we handle health insurance and everyday safety nets?

Health coverage can look different for every couple, especially if benefits are tied to work or legal relationship status. It can help to walk through:

• What health plans are available to each of us?
• Does it make sense to combine coverage or stay separate?
• Do we have an emergency fund to handle the unexpected?

Legally, U.S. healthcare companies are required to provide benefits to married LGBTQIA+ couples. That said, depending on the health plan, you may need two separate health plans if you’re in an unmarried domestic partnership and the provider doesn’t recognize it. If you have children, it’s also important to designate which child goes under which partner’s plan. Regardless, it’s helpful to have an emergency fund dedicated to whatever needs may come up.

4. Do we want to have children?

Before diving into spending plans and accounts, it helps to step back and look ahead. Maybe your goals are to buy a home, start a family, pay off debt or take a big trip. If children are in your future, it’s important to talk about what that will look like because family planning is financial planning. Whether it’s IVF, surrogacy or adoption, the average cost to bring a new loved one into your family can range anywhere from $13,000 to $200,000. Additionally, the U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates that the average cost of raising a child from birth through age 17 is roughly $300,000 for a middle-income couple. While the numbers may seem daunting, many couples are able to be financially prepared for growing their family by having conversations early and putting a plan in place to save.

5. How do we talk about money when it’s hard?

Financial conversations aren’t just about logistics. Money is often closely linked with our sense of self-worth, so it makes sense that talking about spending plans, accounts and debt can create anxiety for most people. However, tackling the subject of money with your partner is beneficial for your future together and could bring a sense of relief, closeness and trust. Starting conversations with the question “how will we build financial security and wellbeing for each other as we live our life together” is a great starting point. For more detailed tips on how to talk about money with your partner, you can read our previous post in the love and money series: reducing financial stress in relationships.

We’re here for you

These are hard questions to answer. If you need help or guidance, you can stop by any of our Financial Health Centers. While we aren’t lawyers or tax advisors, we can provide financial guidance and connect you with community resources such as legal aid or counseling in a safe, judgement-free way.